It’s been weeks since I have posted anything – I know: so much for starting a blog and then not “blogging”. I have been thinking about it a lot recently, but today I decided to come to terms with it. Maybe because I have been in the cruddiest mood for the last few days and I can’t seem to bake, cook or snowshoe my way out of it so maybe writing will help.
Not writing is the result of two issues, both as far from each other on the spectrum as Mr. Ed and Whoever the hottest young tiger-beat idol is… the twilight vampire kid? I am indifferent, but general population says otherwise. Reason one: there has been a lot going on- I have been busy, did Molly Gallagher’s wedding (gorgeous – very happy with that), work has ramped up considerably, doing small things here and there that I CAN do to help the bathroom inch closer to being finished, complete and ready for operation – which it actually is (close to finished – not fully operational- although Lia did install our toilet on my birthday this last week- talk about a present!) , and ramping up for the holidays which on it’s own is mind blowingly stressful. Throw in a way overdue and VERY welcome new trip added to the calendar to Florida, the confusion and frustration of what to actually pack as not much fits or feels like it fits anymore; compounded with the fact that we are going in place of Uncle John an Aunt Lisa as John is still in the hospital and won’t be out until hopefully early this week, and they shouldn’t go. I don’t think life is as stressful for me as it is for Lisa these days – dogs, hospital, holidays fast approaching, hospital, kids coming and going, vacation postponing, plan making, hospital… the whole works. I can’t wait until we all hear that John is home- probably not any more that him wanting to be home! But you know what I mean- I digress.
Anyway, I have been busy… aside from all of the above listed things, pregnancy busy is an added madness that we never seem to get relief from. Tried to go for our CVS test- twice.. no dice.. scheduled an Amnio for early January.. hurry up and wait… got blood test results back and they all look great.. wait you are doing an amnio? Well then we get to test for more stuff – stuff you have never heard of.. yep- found something- just as we thought- you are not perfect- its insignificant, but important enough to test for and worry you with… I mean come ON people… its hard enough being pregnant and dealing with the every day ups and downs of carrying a mini me in there let alone being bombarded with this STUFF that I really don’t want to know isn’t that why I am doing an amnio? So I can know what is REAL? Urgh. At least I can have a glass or two of wine these days – that might be the ONLY thing that is working in my favor.
Reason two: and at the other end of the spectrum and weighing in at 25 pounds is that …nothing is going on. Nothing that I can share anyway. My busy is lame busy. The things that ARE actually going on have been things I have had to deal with a lot deeper than on here. Emotions running high don’t make for great reading, OR cooking apparently as I have had some real bombs over the last few weeks. It is one of those things similar to seeing a good long lost friend who you haven’t seen in weeks, months, years , maybe since 11th grade and when you finally see them and that ask “what’s up?” you respond blandly by saying- “not much” – Bull-sh*t. That’s the response you give when you know that there is so much wheeling and dealing inside that you know it would be a complete burden to even break off a little piece and share. Which in fact is very big of you, but also detrimental to the whole ball of string that is your being as this is a good friend, someone who you know you COULD lean on even if you have neglected to... so you bottle it up and say, “not much”.. duh- spill it! So yes, if you effectively read between the lines I am the one bottling things up, annoyed, frustrated, worried, and scared all rolled into one ball of wax that has been avoiding all of said “nothings” to focus on being a busy body, keeping work rolling, and trying to get ready for the holidays when right now the least thing I feel like is dealing with the holidays.
Wait- I am coming to realize that I may actually be using this blog. I am using you to lament about things I can’t do, I shouldn’t do, I won’t do when really I could be talking about the really fun positive things like: the absolutely powder perfect 9+ inches of snow we got yesterday and last night (even though my parents got almost 18!), we got a great little Christmas tree , I have been putting martha stewart to SHAME by baking up a cookie storm, we are out of the first trimester and have the best and most massive collection of ultrasound photos– did I say I am back to being allowed some wine yet!? YEAH! All of the little fun things that I actually DO like, that actually DO make me feel better… it is like they are not worth writing about ‘cause there is more serious stuff going “down” that I have to deal with so I can enjoy MORE of the fun little great stuff. Urgh – the never ending conundrum of the typical emotional roller coaster. I am scared that reverting back into manic pregnant lady is going to scare Taylor away as he oh so luckily gets to deal with me…. daily… poor guy. The gist is- it has got to end SOMETIME… SOMEHOW… I just would like to know how right now and I promise to write more … after our vacation which will hopefully help me relax a little.
