Last weekend was the first weekend that I actually, emotionally felt like there is a baby on the way. Not to say I haven’t known.. on the contrary- that has been clear from day one – the first trimester mood swings that were grounds for temporary insanity, the onset of second trimester loveliness such as heartburn and food aversions and cravings... and the lesser known and more taken for granted things that are associated with daily tasks that are now inhibited by this growing being inside me – previously underappreciated movement such as easily bending down; sleeping through the night; the ability to take a deep breath, and so forth that have in the last few weeks prompted the start of a list titled “things I wish I could still do with ease”. But up until our amnio and getting the results back there has been a sort of hidden harboring of fear, a weird sense of non-reality that has been lurking out there. Well- it’s gone!
While of course we always will keep that type of thought carefully tucked away at the back of our minds, the real deal of preparing for baby has begun. It was a weekend filled with oven roasted pulled pork , a big old hunk of filet last night that wasn’t cooked to the point of being a hockey puck and was something out of my wildest dreams, and the MOST long awaited part of all- the start of baby shopping!
Now in my hey-day I was known to be able to rationalize the purchase of any item- necessary or not.. $500 on a pair of pink satin stilettos? Sure! No sweat, you would be surprised at the number of uses you could get out of THOSE... $350 to get highlights done every 4 weeks, a MUST..weekly manicures and pedicures at $60+ a pop? Duh... but now things are different. Not to say that these above tasks have been forgotten, but dropping a car payment on a pair of shoes has now been replaced with adding them to an ever growing wish-list and in their pink passion place is pale paint for the nursery. Mani’s and pedi’s to pretty myself up have been swapped for do it yourself soaks and polish and picking fabric for window treatments and crib bedding(going with a preppy but uber ‘soon to be a big boy before we know it’ preppy royal navy / a grassy kelly green and white by the way ).
But in the throes of all of this planning, painting and preparation there is still a part of me that is remaining from the first trimester and that is the financially sensitive girl who had put off or found alternative resources for all of the afore mentioned splurges in order to squirrel away our precious duckets for the good stuff that I have dreamt about – a nursery. So now faced with crib shopping, fabric buying, room designing, what art to put on the walls and details to incorporate there is a part of the rationalization me that is having a hard time swallowing the expense associated with having our first child. I mean $400 for a crib? First knee jerk reaction - YIKES! Back up thought process that I am fighting with now... $400 is nothing.. I mean nada in the grand scheme of things and especially since I have been looking at these items online for weeks, months, years. Now it is time I should be thankful that the crib I desire is only $400... and not the $1200 version that I also looked at and decided that no fiscally conservative or aware parent should allow their small child to lay their precious head on.. unless you are the child of a celebrity or ridiculously loaded - who this stuff is OBVIOUSLY made for... but wait- couldn’t I rationalize everything? Didn’t I? I am fighting with my inner-self over money for a crib when previously I had no problem spending a boatload of hard earned pennies on frivolous things in the world of shoes that I realistically wore once and are currently taking up space in the closet? This is a CRIB for crying out loud- something that heir Goetz will sleep in for a loooong time! So I am now faced with the task of re-learning to rationalize... what to spend money on, what to ask to borrow, what to wait for as a gift... this is a whole new realm, It’s like planning a wedding on crack. Now it is not just a new part of OUR lives we are starting but we are building the groundwork for someone else’s.
Will he know what his crib costs? No... will he care about the color scheme in his nursery / room? Absolutely not- I could paint the damn room fuchsia and chartreuse and he will probably still be happy. Will I? Absolutely not.. so I bring this on myself- the reorganization of thought process and approach to spending... not to go nuts and have a show house-ready room ripe for a photo shoot, but to have a space that feels like a comfy, warm, womb of its own to start this little boy’s life and nurture and grow and build memories in. Urgh.. and I thought I had learned it all Anyway, off today for lunch with mom mother and future sister in law then to Franklin Mills to scour the racks for things only a grandmother should drop dough on – Can’t wait!!!
And the pork turned out great by the way – which, considering I have been having problems eating anything rich or with flavor for that matter recently was a coup.. Recipe is below.
Whew, are we finding a balance here? God I hope so.
Slow Roasted Pulled Pork
1 Medium Sized Pork Roast
2 Tbslp Canola Oil
1 Tsp Smoked paprika
½ Tsp Salt
2 Tsp Ground Cumin
¼ Tsp Ground Cayenne Pepper
1 Tblsp Liquid Smoke (Cheater sauce)
2 Tsps Ground White Pepper
½ Yellow / Sweet Onion sliced thinly
8 Ounces of Apple Juice
2 Ounces of Apple Cider Vinegar
1 Cup of BBQ sauce of your choice- If you want a more bbq flavor- the pref. Should have a smoky flavor- this time around I used Stubbs Mesquite.
• Preheat your Oven to 325 Degrees
• In a bowl combine the spices and liquid smoke.
• Heat the Oil in a Dutch Oven (Cast Iron or Enameled Le Crueset). When it is almost smoking add the pork roast and sear brown on all sides.
• Remove the roast from the pan and set aside. Add in the Onions and sauté until browned.
• While these onions are browning – baste the seared pork with your spice mixture.
• When the onions are nice and brown deglaze the pan with the apple cider vinegar. Make sure to get all of the good pork bits off the bottom of the pan. When simmering, add the basted pork roast back to the pan and move around to incorporate the seasonings into the liquid.
• Add in the apple juice and stir until combined. When simmering , cover the pot and transfer to the oven. Let cook covered for 2 hours at 325 then reduce heat, move lid to the slide a little to vent and cook for another hour at 300. Be sure to check it every 45 minutes or so and flip the meat as necessary and stir the sauce it is cooking in.
• Remove from the oven and let stand a minute or so to cool jus a smidge. When you are ready to work with it, take a fork and break apart the pork meat and incorporate into the sauce. If using - Add in the BBQ sauce and stir to combined – season to your liking with more BBQ, salt / pepper etc.
• If you MUST serve immediately – heat the Dutch oven on the stovetop burner (medium heat to start) and let simmer a little until heated all the way through and the bbq sauce is up to temp.
• The preferred way is to let the pork marinate for a little in the juices and bbq sauce. Then just before serving bring up to a light simmer/ heat on the stove top.
Serve on big old buns with Southern coleslaw and extra bbq if you want.
